


Lullabies

by oliveriley



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/F, Family, Infertility, Joniss - Freeform, queer ladies and cute babies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 04:36:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1674896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliveriley/pseuds/oliveriley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss and Johanna start their journey, post-revolution, towards a family unit. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't own these characters. I just wrote the fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lullabies

It began in the kitchen of their cabin, in the woods of District 12. It began before that, before the actual cabin. It began during the Revolution. _That_ was when Katniss realized she loved Johanna. Which is why, now, she was standing in the kitchen of the cabin they had lovingly and painstakingly built, staring into a pot of stew that smelled better than anything and why she was so absent-minded, much unlike herself. She pursed her lips and shut her eyes for a moment, bracing herself against the counter and hanging her head in a defeatist nature. The olive-skinned woman screwed her eyes shut and set her jaw, taking a few deep, steadying breaths before resuming her task at the oven. Johanna was due home soon, and she busied herself with setting the table. They didn't have "nice" dishes, having smashed all the Capitol grade ones provided in the Victor's Village house that Katniss had "earned" in her Games in a cathartic fit, and during storms, and whenever they felt the need to break something. Katniss put a small metal bucket on the table, filled with snow from outside, on the table and sat a bottle of wine they'd been given by Effie at their wedding inside of it. She frowned. It was all conspicuous, but she was praying that tonight, Johanna would just assume she'd forgotten an important date (which, to her credit, she had never done before and amazed Katniss with her mental calendar).

It had taken her all of six years to realize there was no real danger. In those six years, she had seen Johanna interact with her godson with such tenderness and absolute wonder that it tugged on her heartstrings. Finn was six years old now, and Johanna took every opportunity she could to see him. Even Katniss, herself, found the golden-haired boy hard to resist. She saw his father in him every time he flashed his confident smile and sea-green eyes, and it tugged at her heart. She knew it broke Johanna's. But in those six years, Katniss had developed a certain sort of fondness for children; a fondness she already knew her wife harbored in her small body, which was sometimes so full of emotion it was a wonder she didn't burst. And as the aforementioned woman came in the door, shirt draped over her shoulder and body steaming from sweat Katniss knew she had worked up while chopping wood, a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Because as _mellowed out_ as everyone claimed Johanna was now that she had settled down with Katniss, she was still _very_ , very Johanna. "Mrs. Mason-Everdeen," she affectionately called from where she stood in the kitchen.

"Hello, Mrs. Mason-Everdeen," came the chirped response, followed by a wink. "I'll shower and be out. That smells absolutely sinful." 

Katniss's stomach dropped.

The wait killed her. And by the time she had served two bowls of stew and poured glasses of the red wine, she shook like a leaf in her seat. She grounded herself, feet flat on the floor and palms flat on the table until Johanna had come into the kitchen, sliding into the seat at the small table across from her. "This is... unexpected." She caught Katniss's eye and hastily added, "But nice. It's a nice unexpected thing. Is to celebrate, like, six and a half years together?" Katniss grinned sheepishly, joining in the laughter that bubbled from her partner's throat and wondered silently if it was to-the-date. It was unintentional, then. They ate in companionable silence until the shaking was too much to bear, and Johanna just set down her spoon and leaned forward on the table, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"I-I want a family with you. Like, kids," Katniss gushed, rattling on as Johanna watched her with barely concealed amusement. Once the anxious, superfluous words had ebbed, the younger woman looked at her partner with wide eyes. Met with a small smile and otherwise unreadable expression, she blushed furiously and opened her mouth to apologize.

The older woman of the two reached across the table to clutch Katniss's hands in her own, absently stroking her thumbs over her wife's skin and marveling at the contrast in the colors. "Kitty," she began, hushed, meeting scared gray eyes with her own steady hazel ones, "I think I'd like a family, too." Relief flooded the raven-haired woman's face and she nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

 

\--

 

The first time they tried, Katniss was numb. The small negative sign glared up at her as she sat, staring. And that's how Johanna found her when she came home that evening. "Oh, Kitty," she sighed, and those wide silver eyes turned towards her, welling with unshed tears. She held Katniss against her on the sofa that night, running her slender fingers through her long hair and whispering promises. She tried to soothe the sobbing woman, promising they'd try again. They'd ask what to do differently. She vowed again and again that her love was concrete.

They were hard-pressed to leave bed the next day, Johanna having convinced Katniss to move to their bedroom sometime around one in the morning. It took her three hours after waking to finally make her way to the kitchen, slicing some bread and reheating some stock broth from the previous night's dinner to bring back to the bedroom with her. She moved sluggishly, her limbs made of lead, and a thousand thoughts plaguing her mind. She slipped into bed again, coaxing a third of a bowl into her partner. "You need to eat, baby," she had crooned, but her voice broke on the last word and she soundlessly placed the bowl back on the nightstand as she cradled Katniss to her again. "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry," she whispered, gently rocking the other woman as her body wracked with sobs.

"What did I do wrong? What's _wrong_ with me?" The words were choppy, choked from where they sat thickly in her throat, a bad taste on her tongue. Katniss's olive skin was flushed with tears that stained her cheeks, leaving her face and chest a blotchy mess, making the seams from her grafts noticeable again. She cried into Johanna's chest, curled in on herself and drawn into the other woman's lap. Held in the strong arms she had become accustomed to loving, Katniss wept for the child she finally accepted wanting, but could not have.


End file.
